Celebrity Poker Death Match

First there was Celebrity Death Match, a hilarious MTV Claymation show that pitted the likes of Oprah Winfrey against Julia Roberts in the wrestling ring with deadly results.  Chainsaws and hammers come to mind.  Then there was Celebrity Poker Showdown, a show that still runs today on Bravo and boasts exactly one professional poker player -- as the cohost -- and five "celebrities" who play poker with sometimes pitiful and sometimes hilarious results.  Put them both together and you've got the show for the new poker age -- Celebrity Poker Death Match.

Inspired by the fistfight between two poker professionals, one of whom happens to be the current host of Celebrity Poker Showdown on the other a lesser-known player who loves to annoy the other, Celebrity Poker Death Match would be a great way for poker players to settle their differences away from the table.  Mix it up a little bit, such as putting Lennox Lewis (who played in the main event in this year's World Series of Poker) in the ring with Shawn Sheikhan, and poker fans of pay through the nose to watch the show.  Or, I suppose it could be done in Claymation, just to keep the lawsuits down to a minimum.

Just in case some overanxious television Exec reads this article and gets inspired, here are my suggestions for the first-round matchup's:

       
Players - Chris "Jesus" Ferguson VS  Doyle "Texas Dolly" Brunson
Weapons - Six Shooters -- let's see if these Cowboys can shoot straight

Players - Mike "The Mouth" Matusow VS  Tony "The Australian Windbag" G
Weapons - Simultaneous Monologues -- who will get talked to death first

Players - Antônio "The Magician" Esfandiari VS Scott "Magic" Lazar
Weapons - Linking Rings and Appearing Canes -- there's only room for one magician in the poker world

Players - Young Gun A VS Young Gun B
Weapons - A Real Job -- let's see if these hotshots can make in the real world